help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
