I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
