Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
