My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
