I'm so fucking centered right now
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
