in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I AM VODKA MAN
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
this is an emotional support booty call
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
