ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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