arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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