I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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