I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
