Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i think i scared a bird with my dick
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
