Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
