I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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