of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
