i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
