Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
