Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
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I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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