Are we in a gay sports bar?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I love having hate sex.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
