Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
