Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
