ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
