My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
