my mouth tastes like poor choices
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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