you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
