my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
