I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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