lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
