Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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