SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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