i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So vagazzling was a success
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
