Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
