We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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