so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize