So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
