Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
