there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
