what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
