it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
