Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
