dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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