She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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