Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
