I love black thongs
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Randomize
