I think my fart just growled at me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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