i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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