She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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