I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
