i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
