Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
