He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
