Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
