On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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