Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
