my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
