the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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