Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
