you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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