I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
