Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
