My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
