i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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