i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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