dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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