so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
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right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
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Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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