apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
