My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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