I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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