I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
