I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I could fuck to npr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
do nipples grow back?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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